Friday, September 14, 2007

Missing a Beautiful Lady

We traveled to Denver a few weeks ago to bury my Step mom, Lynne. She passed away after a year long bout with lung cancer. It's an understatement to say she was a trooper. She never complained, and lived each day as if it were her last. Not being able to play golf, toward the end of her battle, made her more upset than the illness. I believe I learned more about courage, endurance and beauty in the face of such overwhelming odds from Lynne.

She and my dad were married twenty-three years. I cherish all the memories I have of her. From helping me pick out my first prom dress, to helping place the Christmas ornaments on the tree each year - in just the right place. Although divorce is never easy on anyone, she always made us feel welcome and loved in their home. She embraced life, and through her example I believe I am a better person.

It was tough being home and having to lay her to rest and I don't think it truly hit me until I arrived at the house. I have had a great deal of time to think about all the ways she changed my life. As I sat listening to the preacher during the service, I continued to struggle with the fact that we were sitting at HER funeral. To this day, I struggle. But, in the Lynne fashion, we ended the service with one of her favorite and "requested" songs, "I Feel Good," by James Brown! She takes care of us even after she's gone.

The following day we laid her ashes in a beautiful nitch facing the Rocky Mountains. My dad released some doves and as always, one dove watched and waited for the others as they flew - just as Lynne has always done for us. But now it's Lynne's turn to fly. Seeing the doves was beautiful, dancing through the sky, as Lynne always loved to dance across the room. It just felt like Lynne. She was a beautiful person and will never be forgotten.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Smart Parenting From a Different Angle

Mary DeMuth, author of, "Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture," grew up in Seattle, but has lived as far away as Nice, France. DeMuth has seen many novels published including, "Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God," and "Building the Christian Family You never Had." DeMuth, wife and mother of three, spends her time writing books, periodicals, and poetry. The following is from a recent interview.

In a country where parenting books are published in droves, what perspective do you have to offer in your new book?

I don’t parent perfectly. But, we did live through two and half years in France, the hotbed of hyper-postmodernity. We had to learn how to parent our kids in that culture. It occurred to me that the things we learned would be helpful to American parents too.

What is the definition of postmoderism? Why do you believe parents should listen?

Postmodernism is the waiting room between what used to be a modern worldview and what will be. According to several postmodern scholars, what we are shifting to is not yet fully defined.

Postmoderns believe that rationalism and/or more education doesn’t necessarily create a better society. They typically don’t embrace the notion of absolute truth, though they reach for the transcendent. They are skeptical, and often question whether science is something to be embraced or feared.

The question for parents is how will we mine the current worldview, even as it shifts? What in it can we embrace as biblical? What is not biblical? What I’ve seen in the church is a fearful adherence to what is familiar. So we cling to modern ideas, even though they may not be biblical and shun postmodern ideas even when they might be biblical. Our children will meet this shifting worldview no matter what our opinion of it is.

How can parents help prepare their children for the changes they will encounter in their futures?

Become a conversational parent. Talk to your kids. Listen. Share your story.
Dare to believe that God has much to teach you through your kids. Be humble enough to learn from them.
Create a haven for your kids, an oasis in your home that protects, supports, and gives kids space to be themselves. Take seriously the mandate that you are responsible for the soul-nurturing of your children.
Teach your children to joyfully engage their world, while holding tightly to Jesus’ hand. Teaching this comes primarily from modeling it in your own life. Admit your failures openly with your children, showing how much you need Jesus to live your daily life.

You admit that parents need to apologize when they are in the wrong. Are you saying that authentic parents don't always have it together?

Yep! We are all frail, needy humans. If we present ourselves as perfect parents, never failing, always doing this correctly, we show our children we have no need of Jesus. We also set up a standard of perfection—that to be a Christian, one has to be perfect. This can lead to our children creating elaborate facades or hiding behind masks. I’d rather have my children see that even mommies make mistakes. Even mommies need Jesus every single day.

What do you mean when you talk about the twin values of engagement and purity?

Many parents subconsciously believe that true parenting means protection at any cost. We received a lot of flak for putting our children in French schools because the atmosphere there wasn’t exactly nurturing. Believe me, the decision was excruciating. But through it all, I realized that Jesus calls us all to be engaged in the culture we live in, yet not to be stained by it. That’s the beauty of engagement and purity.

Abraham understood this. After God told him to leave everything and venture to a new place, he obeyed: “From there he went on toward the hills east of Bethel and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east. There he built an altar to the LORD and called on the name of the LORD” (Genesis 12:8). Oswald Chambers elaborates: “Bethel is the symbol of communion with God; Ai is the symbol of the world. Abraham pitched his tent between the two.” As parents journeying alongside our children through a postmodern world, this concept of pitching our tent between communion with God and engagement in the world should encourage us.

What about postmodernism do you have a problem with?

I happen to believe in absolute truth, so that’s a problem! But more than that, I worry that all our rambling about it, trying to discern what it is, has caused us to rely more heavily on our own intellectual pursuit of God than our heart. When I get caught up in that, I remind myself of my friend Jeanne’s son Jacob, whose heart after Jesus takes my breath away. Living with a brain injury, Jacob throws off pretense as he worships God, arms vaulted to the sky in unashamed heart worship. That’s the kind of believer I want to be. That’s the kind of heart I want. I love this verse: “But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:3). For me, for my children, that’s my prayer, that we’d be simply and purely devoted to Jesus no matter what worldview we find ourselves in.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Join me tomorrow as I share an interview with Mary DeMuth, author of the new book, "Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture."

Visit Mary's helpful and fun website here.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

I'm Back!

It has been an interesting few months. I am now back at work for the first time in two years. My brain has moments of recognition but they are few and far between. Having children zapped a few of those brain cells - at least that's what I can blame it on.

We can now call ourselves the traveling circus. I work for a company that builds natural gas pipelines and we work all over the country. Right now, we are hanging around Louisiana for a while. It's always fun to see and discover new and interesting places. As long as there is a Starbucks in the driving vicinity I will survive.

I have been offered a few new "delicacies" down here in the South. However, my rule of thumb is: If you can't pronounce it - don't eat it. So far, I can't pronounce these words, so I grin and say, "no way!"

My kids have been crammed in our fifth wheel, bursting at the seams. The playground calls their name on a continual basis and we get over to it as often as we can.

I miss home, but I know it will be there when we return.

Proverbs 16:3

Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established.